Charlie and I live in Los Angeles City. We met 5 years ago at Charlie’s birthday party. Our relationship solidified quickly and we moved in together 6 months after we first met. The strength of our relationship gave me the courage to come out to my mother. While I was out to everyone except for my mother at that point, I felt strongly that my mother should know about the love I have for my partner. It was a struggle, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. It took a few years, but when Charlie and I decided to have our commitment ceremony last year, my mother was fully supportive.

Less than one year after our commitment ceremony, the California Supreme Court granted same-sex couples the right to marry. We were thrilled beyond words to witness this historic moment. As an Asian American, I view marriage equality as a fundamental right that shapes societal views on a minority population. Many immigrant and native-born Asian Americans do not realize that only 50 years ago, the US Government had anti-miscegenation statutes that restricted marriages based on race. It was only after the landmark US Supreme Court ruling of Loving v. Virginia in 1967 did the view of true racial equality begin to spread throughout our nation. Similarly, restrictions on the ability for same-sex couples to be protected by the law often contributed to the blatant discrimination against the LGBT community.

Needless to say, Charlie and I decided to get married legally at the earliest opportunity. Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa generously agreed to officiate over our wedding. As a true champion on the issue of same-sex marriage, he has been supporting the legalization of same-sex marriage since 1994 when he was in the California State Assembly. On June 26th, Mayor Villaraigosa officiated over our marriage, and helped Charlie and I obtain the same legal rights and status as many of our fellow Californians. We are proud to have played a part in history and helping pave the way to full equality for all lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people.

Submitted by Arthur Dong & Young Gee.
Edited by Loren Javier.
Photo by Brian To.

One could say Arthur Dong and Young Gee have been making music since the day they first met. They met on February 11, 1978, in Berkeley at a Chinese music concert with the Flowing Stream Ensemble. Both passionate about their culture, they were both taking Chinese music lessons separately with ensemble co-director, Shirley Wong, who thought they’d be a good match. She schemed to get the two together and, pretty soon, they fell in love.

At first, it seemed they personified the cliché of “love at first sight.” But it became apparent that their immediate attraction was also based on deeply shared cultural traditions and history. Both of their parents were immigrants from the Toishan region of China and passed on the same family values and love of food to their children. For the first time in their dating lives were they able to bring home boyfriends who could speak Chinese to each other’s parents — that was the clincher!

Arthur and Young moved to Los Angeles in 1984: Young attended graduate studies at UCLA and Arthur studied at the American Film Institute. They bought their first home in the Glassell Park-Mt. Washington area and their family quickly grew with the addition of pets Herbie, Zippers (Dip-Dip), and Velcro (Bell-Bell).

In 1998, Young’s and Arthur’s plan for a larger family required a bigger house within a good school district. And, so, they settled into our new home in Silverlake.

Seven years later, their dreams for a child came true when their son Reed became a part of the family in 2005.

“In May, when marriage between same-sex couples became legal in California, we decided to bite the bullet and tie the knot. Getting married this summer was a major milestone in our lives,” said Arthur. “After being together for 30 years, we had never had a commitment ceremony or even thrown ourselves anniversary parties. We have always tended to be a bit reserved and private about our personal lives. But when the California Supreme Court ruled that we finally had the right to the same legal recognition and respect as any other loving couple, we knew it was time.”

So, in August, Arthur and Young married at the venerable Golden Dragon restaurant in L.A. Chinatown. Of course, they could have had their wedding in some upscale Westside restaurant or hotel, but they wanted their wedding to reflect who they are and to be a celebration of their cultural heritage. “We are both part of the first generation in our families to be born and raised in the U.S. Having a banquet in Chinatown with traditional entertainment is much more in line with our families’ practices,” said Young.

The wedding celebration included a performance of Cantonese Opera and a traditional lion dance. Board of Equalization President Judy Chu performed the ceremony and the dinner program was emceed by actress Amy Hill. They also wanted to make our ceremony count as part of the fight for full equality, so Young and Arthur invited the Chinese media to cover the event and asked their guests in lieu of gifts to consider making a contribution to support the freedom to marry.

“The most touching moment, though, of the ceremony was when our precious son Reed, who served as ring bearer, presented us with our rings. He burst into tears on stage and we immediately picked him up and comforted him, asking what the problem was. Reed explained that he wanted to place the rings on his daddies’ fingers. After doing so, he kissed each of his daddies on the cheek and smiled for the photographers. The roomful of family and friends rose to their feet and cheered,” recalled Young.

“Our one regret is that only one of our parents is still living and her poor health prevented her from making to trip to Los Angeles to witness our wedding,” said Arthur. “They would have all loved being there. We know they were with us in spirit. Now, in between working and raising our son, we have to work overtime to ensure the civil rights of all couples and families. Thanks to all of you who share the dream of equality.”

Submitted by Steve Alden.
Edited by Loren Javier.

My name is Steve Alden Nelson and I’m married to Sab Shimono. Being that he’s the actor in the family, and I’m a writer, I’ve taken on the happy task of telling our story. (But Sab is a great editor, so it’s really a team effort).

We met many, many years ago through a mutual friend. Although there was an immediate, mutual attraction, neither of us was available at the time and when I moved to New York in 1997, we fell out of touch. On a trip back to Los Angeles, in the winter of 2001, we ran into each other. As luck would have it, we were both single and, after dinner the next evening, we began a long distance relationship. Eventually, in July of 2002, I moved in with Sab to our beautiful home in the hills of Silverlake. We became registered domestic partners in April of 2005.

At the time the news broke that the California Supreme Court had overturned the ban on same-sex marriage, Sab was filming in Canada. When we had our evening phone chat, I told him the good news and, the next morning, he called and asked me to marry him. We decided to go ahead with a civil ceremony as soon as possible. In late June of 2008, while Sab was working in San Diego, we made an appointment with the County Clerk’s office there and, on June 23, we had a lovely ceremony in the chapel, witnessed by my niece, Leah.

The accompanying photo, showing us glassy-eyed and beaming with joy, might lead one to believe that we’d found an early happy hour before the wedding, but those are tears of love, overwhelming happiness, and hope. We thank and bless all of those throughout the ages who have fought, and continue to fight so courageously and unselfishly to make our marriage a reality. Love rules.

P.S. We’re registered with EQCA.org under Steve Alden Nelson & Sab Shimono in case you’d like to make a donation in our names. Thanks.

Peace & Love,
Steve & Sab

Vote No on Prop 8: Our Daughter is Not a Second Class Citizen!
By Harold Kameya
(first printed in the 10-17-08 JACL Pacific Citizen: www.pacificcitizen.org)

Twenty years ago, our then 20-year old daughter Valerie told us she was gay. As sansei from Hawaii, raised in a socially conservative Japanese American culture, Valerie’s announcement devastated us. At that time, we were woefully ignorant on issues of sexual orientation, including that being gay is not a choice. As part of that ignorance, we were saddened that we would never see our daughter get married or have a family.

Fortunately, we were referred to an organization called Parents Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). We were the only Asian Americans in PFLAG, but it became our lifeboat, guiding us in our search to understand a topic that none of our Japanese American friends or family ever spoke about.

In 1990, we were asked to share our experiences with a group of gay Asian Americans. That meeting was a turning point for us. After we spoke, we were moved by the tears on the faces of the audience. They told us of the pain that gays and lesbians faced. In turn, they opened up our minds and hearts, and we decided to help break the silence in our community. Supported by other straight allies, clergy and churches in the United Church of Christ, and PFLAG, we spoke out at conventions and to church groups and college classes.

Reaching out to the Asian American community has been difficult. We have found that our community does not like to deal with subjects that are “uncomfortable” or outside the normal scope of daily conversation. Thus, as parents of a gay daughter, we were amazed and touched when the national JACL endorsed marriage equality for same-sex couples in 1994. It was a bold and courageous decision – and one that profoundly inspired us. To both of us, it was sign that our otherwise closed community might be cracking open the door ever so slightly to gays and lesbians.

Since 1994, that door has been pushed wide open. Just as society has become more accepting of gays and lesbians, Japanese Americans and Asian Americans generally have also become more accepting. In part, open support for gays and lesbians from community organizations, elected officials, and others as well as positive media stories have helped shift public opinion. For example, in its 2006 voter survey, the Asian Pacific American Legal Center found that 63% of Japanese Americans supported marriage equality for gays and lesbians.

That support for the freedom to marry makes us very happy. Ellen and I have been married for 42 years. When we think about marriage, we think of our own wedding day, when we publicly declared to the world our love and commitment to each other. It was a day cherished by our families and friends, and most of all, by the two of us. It is a day that I never thought our daughter Valerie would be able to celebrate. When the state Supreme Court recognized that barring marriage to same-sex couples violated our state constitution earlier this year, our daughter gained something that is both precious and common – the basic right to marry the person of her choice. Her mother and I are thrilled that our daughter can now marry.

As Californians go to the polls to vote this November, it saddens us that some voters might want to take away Valerie’s right to marry the person she loves. On November 4th, please do not make our daughter Valerie a second-class citizen – vote no on Proposition 8 and protect her freedom to marry.

Harold and Ellen Kameya are long-time residents of Granada Hills. Harold is a retired electronics engineer and Ellen is a retired school teacher. They now devote their time to their family and supporting organizations like API PFLAG and API Equality-LA.

Reprinted from The Rafu Shimpo, 9/19/2008.
Article by Gwen Muranaka.

With a splash of Broadway and “Star Trek,” George Takei married Brad Alt­man, declaring themselves partners for life in a moving ceremony at the National Center for the Preservation of Democracy in Little Tokyo on Sunday.

Standing within a ring of yellow or­chids and roses, Takei, 71, and Altman, 54, exchanged vows in the Democracy Center in a Buddhist ceremony pre­sided over by Rev. William Briones, Nishi Hongwanji Buddhist Temple. Wearing matching white tuxedo din­ner jackets, bow ties and black pants, they held hands and faced each other as they said their own vows.
The couple have been together for 21 years and in his vows, actor and chairman emeritus of the Japanese American National Museum, lovingly characterized Altman as the “control freak” who fit well with his easy-going personality. He recalled first meeting Altman at a running club 25 years ago and thinking he was “drop, dead gorgeous.”

“Ever since then, we’ve been run­ning the marathon of life for the last 21 years. Over those years we’ve got­ten to know each others strengths and shortcomings and where we comple­ment each other,” said Takei.

“My vow to you is also a tribute to you. As we tie the bond of our love here — with this wedding ceremony, in this forum of democracy, in the September of my life — vow to you to care for you as you’ve cared for me. To cherish you with all my heart and to love you as my husband and the only man in my life. love you.”

In June they were the first couple in West Hollywood to apply for a marriage license after the California Supreme Court issued a ruling granting gays the right to marry.

“Now the California Supreme Court says our Golden State has mar­riage equality, beginning to today a dream comes true for me. can add my husband to the list of things I can call you. George I pledge to love you, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad times. vow to love you always as my lawfully wedded husband,” said Altman in his vows.

Takei’s “Star Trek” costars Nichelle Nichols and Walter Koenig were best lady and best man. Nichols (Uhura) and Koenig (Chekov) have known each other since they were on “Star Trek” more than 40 years ago.

“It is very significant, beyond the coupling of two people. It is significant historically and I’m proud to be part of it and very proud that George and Brad asked me to be best man,” said Koenig.

“For two beautiful people to say yes I will proclaim before God and everyone publicly this is who we are, I think that takes another kind of courage,” said Nichols.

Two hundred guests filled the softlylit center, entering to the sounds of Yukiko Matsuyama on koto. Randy Guiaya of the Three Filipino Tenors, sang “Climb Every Mountain” and Takei and Altman entered from opposite sides of the Democracy Center to the Broadway showtune “One” from “A Chorus Line.”

Before sharing a ceremonial cup of tea together, Rev. Briones explained that it represents the conceptof ichi-go ichi-e (one moment, one chance).

“This moment can never be repeated, it is unrepeatable. Therefore each moment is something to savor. Ichi-go ichi-e is to become fully conscious of each moment as it happens. This moment can never happen again,” said Briones.

Security was tight for the wedding in Little Tokyo with JANM Plaza closed to the public on Sunday by large temporary hedges and black curtains. Among the guests were Sen. Daniel Inouye and Irene Hirano, Councilmember Jan Perry, civil rights leader Dr. Sybil Jordan Hampton, friends and family members. Guests signed a framed proclamation drafted by the L.A. City Council expressing their best wishes to the couple.

“It was moving, it was memorable, I shall always remember it,” said Sen. Inouye, who wed Hirano earlier this year. The couple now plan to honeymoon in Argentina and Peru. Small boxes of Mikawaya manju with the saying,

“May sweet equality live long and prosper” were given to guests as party favors. “Cloud 9 isn’t high enough, cloud 90,” beamed Takei, after the ceremony.

“Happiest day of my life,” Altman concurred.

Sermon – Pacific Unitarian Church
Written by Vivien Hao.
Edited by Loren Javier.

As some of you know, I have been volunteering with the No on 8 Campaign for several months. Starting from early spring, when we were trying to keep the initiative from even qualifying for the ballot, I have put in hundreds of volunteer hours in phone banking, petition gathering, letter writing, organizing press conferences, and giving spokesperson workshops around the state.

As I’m sure you’re painfully aware, the measure did qualify for the ballot, and now, just days before the November 4 election, Proposition 8 has turned out to be one of the most contentious and hotly debated initiatives in recent California history.

The polls are showing that the Yes on Proposition 8 side is slightly behind, but there are still enough undecided voters that the tables could turn — they only need 50 percent plus one to win.

And unless you’ve just dropped in from Mars, you have not been able to miss the daily headlines and $55 million worth of TV ads that both sides have been running around the clock for the past few weeks. But for some, it’s still fuzzy what this fuss is all about. So, let me be clear.

Proposition 8, if approved by a simple majority of voters, would eliminate the right to marry for same-sex couples in California. Gay and lesbian couples would be relegated, again, to the status of second class citizens—just as they have for centuries in this country, until last May of this year, when the California State Supreme Court ruled that the California Constitution’s Equal Protection Clause guarantees the right to marry for all adults—even those of the same gender.

Proposition 8 seeks to rewrite the California Constitution to institutionalize discrimination and make it the law of the land.

Proposition 8 would strip a particular group—a subset of California residents—of a basic civil right, simply because of their sexual orientation. Since when, in this land of the free and home of the brave, does our government take away people’s rights? Well, as it turns out… there are more precedents for this than we’d like to admit… and the parallel strikes particularly close to home for Asian Americans like myself. That’s why I am so passionate about this subject.

For most of us who grew up in post-civil rights America, racial equality, and the laws that protect us from blatant discrimination, are something we take for granted. But did you know that it wasn’t until the year 2000 that the state of Alabama finally removed from its Constitution the prohibition on interracial marriage?

By then, the law was unenforceable, because in 1967 the US Supreme Court struck down all state statutes against interracial marriage. But, at its height, 30 states codified in their Constitutions and statues criminal and civil penalties for marriage between a white person and a black person… in fact anyone who was deemed non-white… like me for instance. Yes, interracial couples could be and, in some cases, were arrested in their bedrooms for crimes of miscegenation.

It was to protect so-called racial purity—lest we weaken the white Aryan race by infecting it with the blood of lesser races… such as Negroids (blacks) and Mongoloids (Asians). So, when I married my blonde haired, blue-eyed husband in 1984, we technically committed a criminal act…that is, if we had lived in Alabama or Virginia or Texas or any number of other states.

Fortunately, we married in California which, in 1948, became the first state to wipe anti-miscegenation laws from its books. So we were legally married in California and then, ten years later, legally divorced in New York state. I have been happily divorced for 14 years…so, why does this straight happily divorced woman, who views marriage as being entirely over-rated, care so much about whether gay couples can get married?

Well, as I’ve mentioned, people who looked like me were also banned from marrying the person we love at one time. You’ll remember that black slaves were counted as three-fifths of a person, but Chinese, who immigrated to this country, were considered non-persons. So, not only did we not have the right to marry a white person, we were denied the right to own land and property, we were denied the right to work in all but the most undesirable and low-paying jobs (ergo the large number of Chinese laundries and restaurants).

We were denied the right to testify in court, we were denied the right to become citizens—in fact, we were denied the right to legally immigrate to the United States for more than 60 years. The Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882 put a stop to all immigration from China, except for a highly select group of merchants, scholars and professors.

This is the only time the United States has ever specifically excluded immigration from a foreign nation. The Chinese, who had arrived here prior to 1882, were almost all poor, uneducated young men who came to seek their fortune in gold, but, instead, ended up building the Transcontinental Railroad. Of the estimated 20 thousand who came to California, virtually all died as bachelors, because they were not allowed to marry white women and there were so few Chinese women here, except for a handful of prostitutes.

As it happens, my maternal grandfather, Gar-Bing Lim, was in the import/export business, and he was one of the few Chinese merchants to legally immigrate in 1925 to San Francisco. My grandmother, who, along with their two small children, was allowed to immigrate with him, was one of less than 10 Chinese women who passed muster that year at Angel Island, the Ellis Island of the West, just off the coast of San Francisco.

My mother was one of two more children born in the Lim family during their seven years in San Francisco, but after the stock market crash of ’29, Gar-Bing moved his family back to China. Yes, the economy was a key factor…but, so was the forced isolation and the lack of rights.

They were relegated to cramped rented rooms in Chinatown—with no hope of ever being able to own their own home. Their children would only be allowed to go to Chinatown schools, and could not be admitted to college. They had no hope of ever becoming US citizens, and their children would not be able marry the person of their choice.

My grandfather knew that if he stayed in the US, he and his family would be treated as second class citizens—or worse yet as non-persons.

As outrageous as this kind of discrimination sounds today, what proponents of Proposition 8 are doing is frighteningly similar. Despite all the crazy campaign rhetoric, the issue really isn’t whether children will be taught about same-sex marriage in schools or whether ministers will be forced to marry gay and lesbian couples in their church.

It’s not about whether the bible says homosexuality is a sin or whether it’s “natural” for a man to love a man or a woman to love a woman.

The issue at hand is this: whether we as Californians – and especially we as people of faith and conscience–are going to turn back the clock and, in 2008, establish in our state, a class of people who are legally non-persons.

Marriage is a fundamental right—it’s part of every human being’s right to pursue personal happiness and fulfillment. No one should be able to take that right away—certainly not the state….

We, as Unitarian Universalists, have celebrated the religious rites of marriage for same-sex couples for decades…. And we, as Unitarian Universalists, have always stood up for civil rights and equality. We cannot let our state, the bellwether state—revert back to an age of blatant discrimination and inequality. We are better than that—and we owe it to the thousands of our gay brothers and sisters—and people like my grandparents and parents—who have suffered, and fought, and deserve the right to be fully human, to marry the person they love.

Excerpts by Corina Knoll. See below for citations.
Prepared for www.apiequalityla.org by Jill Mizokami.

Jeff Kim and Curtis Chin, partners of 14 years, were featured in an article in the May 2008 issue of KoreAm Journal, a monthly Korean American magazine. Titled the The Right to Say, “I Do”, the story also spoke with other Korean Americans in same-sex relationships who made their case for marriage as a legal right.

Kim and Chin told KoreAm writer Corina Knoll how the denial of access to marriage rights has shaped the way their relationship is perceived externally and how they have essentially been blocked from reaching a social milestone that brings with it validation of their union, along with a public outpouring of love and support. Following is an excerpt from the article, reprinted here with permission:

“You get hurt on a very personal level because you know that it’s something you’ll never be a part of,” says Chin.

They haven’t had a commitment ceremony like other gay couples have, but did toy with the idea of throwing themselves a 10th anniversary party.

“It’s societal, it’s traditional, it’s historical, it shows something’s beginning,” says Kim.

Curtis Chin and Jeff Kim say when they have their ceremony, they’ll see an immediate change in their rights and benefits. Kim, 42, a program director for the California Wellness Foundation, will no longer be taxed for having Chin, a writer and producer, on his employer’s health insurance, something that doesn’t happen to his straight colleagues. And Chin won’t have to worry that Kim’s parents have more legal rights than he does.

“I don’t feel protected in the sense that if something were to happen to Jeff, I would not be surprised if his parents cut me out in the sense of being able to see him at the hospital,” says Chin, whose own Chinese American family has been warm and accepting of the couple.

First-generation Korean immigrants, Kim’s parents still struggle with their only son’s sexual orientation and acknowledging his relationship with another man.

“Embarrassment is a huge factor in the Korean community,” says Kim, who does note that his sister is extremely supportive. “[Being gay] would fit in the category of ‘Oh my god, you brought shame to our family.’ That is kind of a way that people and communities control their populace: the shame and embarrassment factor.”

If there is a wedding, Kim doesn’t think his parents will show up. But, he understands.

“Having grown up in a Christian Korean environment I know where they’re coming from,” says Kim. “There are evil homophobic people — [my parents] aren’t evil. It’s more about ignorance and not wanting to leave their comfort zone than it is about hate.”

They’ve never really thought about what their own wedding would be like, though they’ve attended dozens of such ceremonies for friends and family members over the 14 years they’ve been together.

“We were gonna ask people to make up for all the weddings,” quips Kim.

“Yeah, for all the gifts we bought!” adds Chin. “The big joke is, we used to just say, on a pure financial level, it’s just not fair. We spend thousands of dollars on weddings, and we’re never gonna get that back!”

Update:

*Excerpts of The Right to Say, “I Do” article have been re-formatted here. Corina Knoll is the article’s credited author. KoreAm Journal is fully recognized as the publisher. For the full text, please click here.